Welcome Home
by The Scarlet Rose
Summary: Can you wish for something, so hard, so much, with every ounce of your being, so intensely and passionately that it comes true?If so, Shuichi, can you come back to me? Shuichi, if I wish hard enough, will you just… come home?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: No, I do not own the characters of Gravitation. I'm just a loser writer with too much free time.

Warning: Death fic

I don't like this suit. It's too formal… too… bland… too overpriced… too..

Well, too nice to be sitting on the floor like this anyway.

I can't remember the last time I wore a tie. Never had much of a liking for them. They were just too tight, like a $200 noose.

He liked them though. When he found out how many I had, he'd insisted upon me wearing them. Smiling as he tied them on me in bed.

That damn brat, where is he? He nags me for hours to greet him when he comes home, and when I finally decide to, he's no where to be seen.

_'Yuki!'_ I can hear his voice, screaming in my head _'Yuki! I'm home!'_

Wood is really unforgiving. The backs of my thighs burn and my back is aching in protest. Now I understand why he whined so much when I'd take him on the floor…

Why do I smell like soil?

There's a creak behind me. I turn, an uncontrollable smile on my face as I think that my baka has somehow made it home before me. That he's snuck home, away from **that place**. Away from the sobbing onlookers, blank faces and unfelt apologies.

That place…

No… that was just a dream.

I crane my neck, expecting to see him dressed in something sexy. Something that'll send pulses to all the right areas. Perhaps the school girl uniform or the cat.

Maybe he'll be dressed as me, wearing only one of my oversized shirts and glasses…

Instead, I get silence.

Empty space.

Flowers catch my eye. Dozens upon dozens of them lay tosses haphazardly in the corner. Distantly, somewhere repressed within my memory I remember shoving them there. I remember the tearful faces, the tear stained cards and heaving sobs…

Why were they crying?

Why am I?

I reach up, wiping the tears off my cheeks, realizing that they've been falling, silently unnoticed for quite sometime.

When he gets home, he'll worry.

When he gets home, he'll wipe away my tears and make some stupid, nonsense joke, comparing me to some obscure pop culture reference.

When he gets home…

'_He's home now…'_ Hiro's voice played in my head _'It's over. His pain has ended.'_

Distantly, I remember agreeing.

'_He's at rest…'_

At rest? No.

He's coming home. After all, I'm out of cigarettes, and I need to send him to he store to buy more.

His pocky is still scattered over the kitchen counter.

His clothes in the dryer.

And I'm sitting in a $3,000 suit, waiting for him to come home.

Before I can stop it, a rush of memories flood into me.

His lithe, tiny body, writing in a hospital bed, bandaged and in pain.

His tearful eyes, as for days he tried to speak.

His hand, as it latched onto me, when even with drugs the pain became unbearable.

His soft, sweet last words.

His cold lips, unmoving beneath me.

That…

Damn…

Endless…

Beep…

But, he's coming home. He **always** comes home.

No matter how many times I chase him away. No matter how many times he's attacked and blown up.

He always comes home.

My tiny baka. That fucking idiot who makes me worry so much that I shake and tear my hair out in frustration. That I've increased my smoking tenfold. That I spend so much effort on not showing worry that I begin to stress and worry over looking stressed and worried.

That tiny simpleton who every night, regardless of what condition he's in, prances through my door, a smile plastered on his face, forces his arms around me and laughs.

My tiny baka.

He's coming home. He always comes home. I refuse to believe that he's gone.

No matter what the media says.

No matter what the crying mourners outside my building sob.

Screw them.

Fuck his band mates.

Fuck his parents.

Fuck these memories.

None of them know Shuichi I like I know Shuichi. I know that he is indestructible. Unbreakable. You can break and hurt him and all he'll ever give you is stubborn, forceful love.

No matter what those doctors said.

No matter where they placed his tiny body. In that small windowless box, 6 feet under ground.

He'll still come home. Come back to me.

He has to.

The tears are back again. I'm shaking so hard I can't control myself. The sobs are choking up out of my body so fast that it's hard to breath. I fall over, clutching my chest, attempting to hold the two halves of my heart together.

Suddenly, unbearable pain washes over me. Pain so intense that I can't bear it.

I force my eyes shut.

_'Shuichi.'_ I wonder, my body trembling _'If I close my eyes tight enough. If I plug up my ears and heart. If I shut out the rest of the world, will you come back to me? If I erase these blood red memories? If I push back all this pain and see none of it?_

_If I can push it all away, will the pain disappear? Will you be here again?_

_Can you wish for something, so hard, so much, with every ounce of your being, so intensely and passionately that it comes true?_

_If so, Shuichi, can you come back to me? Erase that accident and the scars on your beautiful body? The broken bones and pain in your eyes? Your cold skin, bandages and tears?_

_Will you lie under me again? Call my name like it's the most beautiful name in the world. Scratch my back so hard it leaves marks and kiss me so long it takes my breath away?_

_Will you come home, with that innocent chibi-ish smile? Will you jump into my arms and over me with that warm, sweet smelling scent of you? Will you chase all my memories away, remove the pain, angst and emotional scaring from my soul?_

_Will you just be my baka?_

_Shuichi, if I wish hard enough, will you just… come home?_

_Walk through that door, so my lips can utter the words I've been yearning to say for what seems like an eternity:_

"Welcome home, Shuichi."

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A.N. I know. I know. I swore I wouldn't do a death fic, but I couldn't help myself. In the middle of the night this idea just came to me, and I had to write it. Sorry for the cliffy by the way. I'm not gonna lie though, I don't think that this is my best work. It's a bit rushed, but I just saw this image of a mourning Yuki in intense denial and I just went with it. I'm debating if I should leave this as a one shot or add another chapter. What do you guys think.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: No

Disclaimer: No. I do not own the characters of Gravitation, and likewise, make no money or profit off of this story.

I wake up in bed. I'm not sure how I got there. Distantly, I think that Shuichi has somehow carried me. Moments later, I laugh sadly as I realize that that is no longer possible.

My shoes are off and my tie has been removed.

Through my exhaustion, I make the connection that Tohma or Tatsuha have probably been here, and found me passed out by the door.

How humiliating. One of them seeing me sob.

A sharp pain runs to my heart. My eyes shut, and I immediately feel the tears again.

The Tohma-Theory is confirmed as I realize that my apartment is empty. No psycho fan watching Ryuichi Sakuma videos in hi-depth. I let out a sigh, happy that whoever has decided to give me my space.

And I silently curse them for leaving me alone in this place.

Before I can let my mind wander back to the memories, and before the pain in my chest starts up again, I reach for the remote.

As the TV clicks on, I note that the flowers are gone. The cards.

Before I can stop myself, I head into the kitchen, to check and see if Seguichi has removed them.

No.

There they still are.

The boxes and scatters of strawberry Pocky.

Starting the coffeepot, I absent mindedly place one of them in my mouth, and instantly I regret the action as I am reminded of his kisses. How sweet and shy they always were. The way he would still tremble a little as we made out. Even after all this time.

All **that** time…

It's over.

_'He's gone now…'_

Clutching my chest, I stumble my way to the bathroom, deciding to try and wash it all away in the hot water.

Then, I hear it.

Faintly at first. But as I close my eyes, tilt my head back, it becomes clearer.

_'I want a new world!'_

The… Rage Beat?

The melody continued, until I could no longer deny it. I yank open the shower curtain and jump out, grabbing my robe and run into the living room.

"Shuichi?!" I call out "Shuichi?"

He's come home.

Somehow. He got away from that place. Clawed himself out of that tiny, windowless box and up through the cold earth.

Somehow, he's come back to me.

The TV.

I freeze. It takes my mind a moment to comprehend what my eyes and ears detect.

The TV.

No Shuichi.

Just

The

Fucking

TV.

How could I let myself be so stupid? How could I let something so simple through me off? I wasn't going to think about it. Not anymore.

I had silently promised myself. Not today. Today the grief was going to fade. Today, the bastard Eiri Yuki was going to return.

Before I can stop myself, I'm in a crumpled heap. Sobbing like a child. My body shaking, my fingers clawing at my scalp. The pain is worse than before, as memories come back to me. Each curvature of his skin. The dip of his hips. The rise of his cheeks, the softness of his eyelashes.

I doubled up, willing the pain to go away. Willing this unfamiliar grief to stop.

But above all else.

I will for Shuichi to come home.

_'Maybe if I wish for it.'_ I think _'Maybe if I close my eyes and pray hard enough. Promise to give up all of this drinking, pill popping, womanizing. If I just wish for it. Maybe Buddha or God or whoever is up there will send my Shuichi back to me. In one form… or another.'_

I've started chanting it.

"Please God, let Shuichi come home."

My throat is hoarse.

My shoulders hurt.

My face itches from the tears. I'm cold.

But I keep going.

Because I can feel it. I know that any moment, that door is going to open. Any moment I'm going to see that pink head. Any moment, I'm going to be able to say those words:

"Welcome home, Shuichi."

The knob turns.

My breath catches. I don't bother moving. He can feel guilty about leaving me this depressed all he wants. The door swings open. And I wait for it.

"…Eiri?"

That's

Not

Shuichi.

"Eiri? What are you…"

The rest of the words blur. My blood begins to boil with rage.

Tohma.

A hand is on my shoulder. It's not Shuichi's warm, faint touch. No. It's Tohma Seguchi. Come to 'comfort' me in my sadness.

My eyes water once again. And for a moment, everything stands still.

When my eyes clear, Tohma is on the ground, and theirs blood on my hands. He's scooting towards the door, and I'm dimly aware that my lips are moving. I'm screaming for him to leave. For him to get the fuck away from me.

It was him that ruined my happy illusion. It was him that threw off Fate.

Shuichi was supposed to enter through the door, not him. Seguchi stumbles out, and I bolt and chain the door, my limp body collapsing to the ground.

Soon, everything goes black.

_'Yuki… Yuki wake up.'_

I'm in bed again. On my back. Still in my loosely hanging robe. The shower is still running. I silently curse my stupidity and forgetfulness as I will myself to move.

Nothing happens.

My mind seems to be disconnected from my body. My limbs don't want to react.

His scent is still here. On his pillows. It fills my nose.

The pain starts to come back, and this time I let it. I let it was over me, drowning me in painful memories and heartache. Hours pass by, and nothing ceases. Memories don't fade. Pain doesn't disappear. It all remains… stagnant.

I couldn't sleep. You would think I would be able to, lying in bed like that. You would think that I'd be relaxed. That my muscles would be slack and that my heart would beat slow.

But no. My muscles were tense to the point of tearing, tightening with each new wave of emotional pain. My heartbeat thundered and my chest rose and fell in sharp, shallow breaths.

I wanted to sleep. I wanted to dream. To slip away from the world where Shuichi was gone. Where I was in requiem. Where my heart hurt, my lungs burned, and my eyes stung.

I just wanted to see him, to embrace him, to wrap my arms around him, bury my face in that sweet smelling pink head. Bury myself in him. To call him baka and tease him to the point of tears, only to be able to press my lips to his skin and kiss them away.

God, I wanted to sleep.

The pills were in my hands before I realized it.

First one. Then two.

Then a palm full.

The numbness I craved began to spread.

_'Yuki… don't…'_

I moved to put the bottle back in the cabinet, only to realize how light it was.

_'Yuki…'_

Sleep spread through my body, the room began to spin, slant and blur.

The bed felt so soft as I collapsed upon it.

_'Yuki. Get up!'_

The pillow so soft. My muscles so relaxed.

_'Yuki.'_

My eyes wanted to drift closed

My lungs wanted to stop breathing.

My heart wanted to stop beating.

_'Yuki! Get up!'_

That voice. That sound playing in my head. I know this. I know it. Only once, it sounded different.

_'Yuki!'_

Once it wasn't so soft and sad.

_'You're going to kill yourself!'_

Once, it didn't say my name so painfully.

_'Yuki! Please move!'_

Once, it said my name like it was the most beautiful sound in the world. Once it sang me beautiful melodies and sweet words. Once I secretly craved for it. Once, even now, I loved it more than anything.

_'Yuki! Get help!'_

I woke up in the bathroom.

I'm not sure how I moved. Part of me begins to think that Tohma moved me, shoved his fingers down my throat, and made me puke up all the pills. Then that same part of me comes to the realization that the chain is on.

But, I can't focus on that now.

The only thing I'm aware of is the pain in my back from the cold floor. My heat resting against the foul smelling toilet. The vile taste in my mouth. I'm aware of the trembling in my body and the ice cold shower that still running.

I crawl on all fours towards the tub and shut off the water.

A look at the window tells me its daytime. A growling in my stomach tells me that I've been out for quite a while.

The pain in my chest tells me that sleeping didn't work.

Mourners really annoy me.

From the edge of the lawn I can see the crap they've left on his grave. Giant heart shaped cards. Balloons. Candy and teddy bears.

It's almost as if they didn't realize that Shuichi was in fact a **man** not a child.

It takes me nearly an hour to clear the crap away, putting it in a neat pile for the groundskeeper to find in the morning, or tonight if he's actually doing his job.

I had hopped the fence, feeling more like a criminal and less suave than I had originally intended.

I know I told myself that I wouldn't come here. That I swore silently to myself when I left this God forsaken spot just days earlier that it would be ages before I returned. Only that time, it would be with a new lover to clean the moss off his tombstone, and replace the dying flowers.

And I know that I had somehow reasoned with myself, and the newly formed voice in my head that coming here would do me some good. That it would help to preserve what little sanity I had left. That seeing this spot would help things fall back into perspective. That I would be able to mourn and that I would grieve and move on.

But. None of that happened.

Instead, standing there, looking at that dirt patch in the ground, I felt no relief. I felt no clarity.

Instead.

I felt empty.

He must be so cold, in that thin pine box. Dressed in those stiff clothes. He must be so lonely, where no one can hear his voice.

A wind blew through me, and I felt numb. Sorrow didn't over take me this time. Instead, I felt nearly nothing. Instead, I could only concentrate on the building despair within me, knowing that I had lost my love. My angel. My shining sacrifice. The sacrifice to all things dark within me.

Only, when his blood was spilt, it didn't alleviate any of my pain. It didn't allow me to run away as I always had. Instead, I was stuck, standing there in the darkness with my hand extended. And Shuichi, my only light, his flame snuffed out by cruel hands.

I longed for his warmth, for his light. For his undeniable strength. I long for him to come home.

"Shuichi." I spoke, kneeling before his gravestone, tracing my fingers over the stone indentations "I want to be where you are."

I never imagined dying would feel like this. It's not how you see it depicted. There was no sad, slow music. No bright lights as ever significant memory of my life flashed before my eyes. No tangents or inner monologues as I remembered the smell of my mother's hair, the sound of Tatsuha's laughter. Mika's scolding. My father's rare smile. No intensely fast montage of Shuichi.

No. None of that.

Instead, there was just silence. Emptiness. For once in the past few days, everything finally seemed to stop. The world seemed to slow down. Life didn't have quite such a hasty pace to it. Everything was in the grasp of my control and seemed to flow like the river of blood from my wrists.

I imagine, I was probably grinning stupidly wicked.

As I experienced perfect clarity, I imagine that I probably looked rather foolish, sitting on the bathroom floor, bleeding to death, the mindlessly chattering voice of Shuichi growing ever loudly in my head.

At the time, I didn't really care though. I was too content to care. Too content to float in the bleary whiteness of blood loss.

It was time. Everything was in order. All the papers made out to the right people. Last book saved to the desktop of my computer, a heart wrenching dedication page equipped.

The knife fell from my hands, far to weak to hold onto it any longer.

_'Yuki!'_

That's right. It was time. Time to leave. A surprising warmth spread over my body.

_'Yuki. I see you.'_

'I see you too, Shu.'

Little Miss Muffet, counting down from 3…2…0.

_'Yuki.'_

'I'm home. Shuichi.'

They were right about one thing. It was just like going to… sleep.

"Eiri!"

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A.N. First off, I hope the jumping around didn't throw you off too much. I figured that since Yuki was so out of his, his thoughts wouldn't be orderly, so neither should his sense of time or place. Also, some of his thoughts are intentionally really random (Ie 'Little Miss Muffet).

This isn't the end. Well, it's the end of Welcome Home, but not of this story. I wanted to leave this as a one-shot, but I just couldn't leave Yuki in that place. So depressed and sad and alone. So, I had to add to it. And now I'm going to be adding to this. Be looking out for the sequel series "Coming to Terms". It'll be up soon!


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